Just Follow The Rules....................AS THEY ARE WRITTEN

You know I am at that best of both worlds ..........as it relates to age.  I still have enough youth and energy on me to still do correctly what wisdom has taught me.

I have always been a rebel.  I always felt that no one could tell me the right way to do it.  I felt like the rules didn't apply to me and that I could walk to my own beat, my own rhythm, and my own sound.  NOW...................in some ways that have made me the artist that I am.  IN SOME WAYS that has made me the esoteric person that everyone either totally loves or totally hates. 

But there are parts of my life that I have been in prayer to the Lord for years and years and years and years to improve.  Now I love me some Jehovah Jireh.......TRUST!  And you can't make me doubt his love for me.  So in this love fest that we have for each other...............I wonder WHY I have been praying for the exact same thing for years and years and years...............when I KNOW that what I am asking for is not outside of HIS power.  As a matter of fact NOTHING is outside of God's power.  So why is MY prayer unanswered?

ME..............and my inability to follow the rules.  (AS I SWALLOW REAL HARD AND A COLD SHIVER SLIDES DOWN MY BACK!)

Some of the same things that make me a successful business woman and prolific playwright and songwriter, are the exact same things that make me a failure at other things.  As an artist...........you can look at things in your own special way and create something beautiful.  But when it comes to the daily inertia of life's details..............there isn't a lot of wiggle room.

I am finding that the love the has been alluding me is because I didn't find the greatest love of all.  LEARNING TO LOVE MYSELF.  I know it sounds EXTREMELY cliche'..............but its MUCH harder than it sounds. 

I spoke in one of my ealier blogs about how when we are coming up we learn sooooooooooo many things. But never are we given lessons on how love love ourselves.  That is something that we have to learn on our own.................and many of us........sorrowfully NEVER LEARN. 

I have gone to see a therapist and found out that many of the things that I thought made me unloveble to ME or unforgivable to me........were things that Satan strategically put into my life to garner that exact response.  Satan wanted me broken and unable to love and forgive myself.  He knew that if he wrapped my heart and mind into negative feelings about me........He could keep love elusive from me.......or at least keep it down to the minimum.

But my therapist showed me how to take the word of God and apply it right to those areas that Satan used as a tool to keep me away from the REAL love that I craved.

The rule is to treat others that way that you want to be treated.  But the problem with that is that most of us WANT to be abused just a little.  The devil plants hate, negativity, and feelings of inferiority into our pristine little child hearts, and minds, and we carry that through out our lives........never having those cracks filled. 

The rule is that learning to love yourself is the Greatest Love of All.  And many of us.....don't feel that we are worthy of that much love.  So we try to love outside of ourselves.  We try to love our boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, side dips, friends with benefits, and jump offs..............into loving us.  Not understanding that if we took all of the time that we spend trying to manilupate love from something or someone else....................we could deeply love ourselves.  In loving ourselves we will NOT ALLOW OURSELVES TO SUBMIT TO THE HUMILITATION OF OTHERS. 

And that is the rule.  Many of us break the rules and hope that giving out free sex will get love.  Women..............stop having children by men who are not your husband.  We are trying something so deep and desperate to keep the men we love in our lives that we try to keep them anchored to us through our children.  Men try to buy women's affections through paying for our rent, car notes, hair & nail salon bills, trying to let women know that they are worthy of our full affections.

Even in non sexual relationships.............we over do it with our friends and our family...........we give time, money, cook, clean and host of other things.........hoping that our hard work , affection and deeds will make people give back to us the measure that we are loving them.   

.....................But TRUE LOVE comes first from God and then to ourselves.  If we would all follow the rules to a "T" then the things that we are hoping for and praying for would not elude us.

I began by saying that I am learning that when I follow the rules.........then the things that I have been praying for do not elude me.  I am falling deeper in love with Okima.  And the deeper I love her..........the easier it is to garner the love from others that I have been craving.  And I still have enough youth on me to enjoy the love that has been gushing into my life in abundance. 

Thank you for the rules Lord..........and I thank God for the mindset to actually follow them.