She Thinks She's All That...........and is that supposed to be an insult?

Soooooooooo many times in my life I have heard this statement, "She thinks she's all of that."  And I have never heard it in the context of this being a good or a positive thing.  I took some time to get deeper into the meaning of this statement.  When someone says, "She thinks she's all of that" in a derogatory manner, it actually says more about the person who is using the statement than it is about the person the statement is in reference to.  It means that the person who is using the statement has taken whatever time they have deemed appropriate to establish an opinion about the other person's character.  In your opinion you have determined that this person has a high opinion of themselves............and you in your limited knowledge of this other person,  has validated that this other person has ZERO basis for believing that they should have a high opinion of themselves.  Or the things that you yourself hold in your mind and in your life as valuable.........this other person seems to lack.  So basically you are saying this B***H has a high opinion of herself that she shouldn't have..................... and I don't like it. So I am going to treat her the way that she SHOULD feel about herself.

Well if you have not already determined from the way that I have worded this entry............I am for the one who has been inappropriately labeled as "thinking she is all of that." 

I have been doing some extremely deep soul searching in my life these past couple of years.  I am looking at my life and I see that I have many many many many MANY times been the person who has been strung up and ridiculed as the person who "thinks she's all of that." 

WHY?  I'm glad you asked....................

I have been going to church since my mother put me in Catholic grammar school.  And I have been singing in choirs since I was in the 1st grade.  So much of my music career has been spent in the church.  Not ALL of it mind you.  I would say about 47% has been in the church. 

I have have not been a member of a church for about 2 years now.  And I will tell you the real reasons why.

I am tired of the rejections and the judgements that go along with this statement.  "She thinks she's all of that."  Anyone who knows me knows that I am a genuine person.  I am genuinely funny, sweet, giving, and humble, and passionate.  BUT at the same time, I have been spent 95% of my life perfecting my craft AND my praise.    And I have learned that many times those two characteristics have been at war......................with the small minded politics of the church. 

YES!!.....I am sweet and charming..........BUT I KNOW that I can sing like the greats. I know I can direct a choir with the creativity and the energy that many people have never seen.  I know that I write plays with the depth of an August Wilson or Tennessee Williams.  And the reason how I know this, is because I have spent a whole lot of my time and energy making sure that I do.  I sing like I do because I study music and voice.  I study singers like Anita Baker and Phyllis Hyman and Donny Hathaway and I listen to their breathing and phrasing.  I sing everyday to make sure that my vocal muscles are in shape.  I study playwrights and screen writers.......I study the great directors of Hollywood.

Now when I go to church and I direct a song or sing a song or a write a play.......................I utilize the gifts that I have inside of me.  And I utilize those gifts with confidence because like the A student who has listened in class, taken extremely good notes, and studied hard................you take that final exam with confidence.    I come into anything that I am doing with extreme care and confidence.  And 100 times out of 100.......the product that I am producing comes out with beauty, fire, passion and quality.  And if I am going to be honest..........the product that I produce comes out with the quality that no one else in the church in able to duplicate. 

As I have found through my many many many many dealings in the church.............great work in the church is many times frowned upon.

I know that's a bold statement.  That's why I have let it stand alone............in BOLD.

I have spent many years of hard work trying to perfect my God given gift so that my artistry will reach inside some one's soul and change their heart and mind................contribute the healing of their spirit and emotions.  But I could not understand why I was met with so much opposition and rejection.

My opinion is of this "church" mentality that anything that is done with professional precision is not Holy.  It "Holly" as in Hollywood. 

I once had a preacher to stand right in his pulpit and say to his congregation.........we just gone pray for "girlfriend" ( Okima Havis ) because she thinks that unless she in charge of something its not going to be any good. You know when I first heard about this I was hurt.  But after I thought deeply about his statement I had to admit that HE WAS RIGHT.  I did think that if I didn't help the product would not be as good as it could be.  But the thing is that he was saying it like it was a reflection on ME............and for a while I felt bad like I thought that I was all of that.

BUT............since I have taken some time to reflect on his point of view and on my point of view I have to to say we were both right because of our mindsets.  I did feel that the plays and the music would not be AS GOOD without my input.  BUT not because I think that OKIMA is all of that.  But because I think the the God inside of Okima is all of that.  And  I believe that God sent me to this particular church to use the artistry that I had worked so passionately and deeply to perfect could be used to take the church from good to great.  BUT NOT FOR ME...................but because there are people who would be blessed in their lives with great music..............this music could change a father to go back to his family.  Could change a woman who is being abused to see her value and get the help she needs.  To help someone who is contemplating suicide to hold on a little longer.....................But many of the people in these churches with their limited vision...............took it as me taking attention away from them.  BUT GUESS WHAT.........I am here to take the attention off on you and I putting it where it belongs........ON THE AWESOME MATCHLESS OMNIPOTENT SOVEREIGN POWER OF GOD.

But here is what I want to say to me and to everyone who believes in themselves...........KEEP ON THINKING YOU ARE ALL OF THAT.  The Bible says that we are made in God's image and God IS the SUPREME ULTIMATE ALL OF THAT!  And if He/She............GOD made me to look, and exist as He/She does...........then where is the crime? 

I believe that the crime is..............why does what I am doing in MY LIFE AND TOTALLY NOT FOCUSING ON YOU MAKE YOU FEEL SMALL?  Until people can figure that out then I am no longer going to let their rejection make me feel as though I have done something wrong. 

I see that I have a whole lot more to say so I going to get into writing part 2 of this blog next time.  Thank you for reading.