This is a Man's Game!! Part 2

As I was contemplating my next blog, I began to think about the last blog that I had written.  And I thought that this was a subject that deserved some more time and energy. 

I am still deep into NBA play off action.  I was watching NBA TV, and they were honoring Minnesota Timbervolves' Kevin Love with the "Most Improved Player" award.  Kevin Love was full of smiles and full of appreciation for all of those who helped him to receive the award.  Kevin Love named his coaches and teammates and family.  His award was shared by all who had a hand in helping Kevin Love receive the Most Improved Player award.  And then I AGAIN, began to think about women and how something like this could improve relationships all over the world. 

If there were awards and accolades for women that would honor all of our love hard work and achievements.........I think the standards or womanhood would ( on some levels ) change.  I think if someone would just tell us on a Tuesday afternoon............."Kim, you are such a hard worker..........you have learned the job so well and you brighten every one's day.  I see how much you go through with your out of work husband, sick mother and 3 children...................I just want to give you an award to free dinner for you and the family tonight. Oh and you always come to work clean, clothes pressed, and smelling good.......much appreciated."  ( I picked the name Kim because I personally know about 25 Kims) And then you would have a little appreciation award with your name on it that you could look at every time you were feeling low.  

We as woman are SO competitive with each other.  But I personally believe that because we don't have positive outlets in which to center our competitive natures.......it comes out in many different places in society which is counter productive for us ladies.  AKA backstabbing, gossiping, and sleeping with other women's husbands........................

I remember watching a Chris Rock stand up, "Bigger & Blacker" ( 1999 - HBO) and I remember in one part of the comedy routine Chris was talking about how much women talk............... and as a man all you have to do is throw in a "What", "Naw", and " I told you that bitch was crazy".  Chris says that you have to throw in a "That bitch is crazy" because every woman has another woman on her job that she can't stand.  Chris Rock says that we as women say such things as "She's trying to destroy me."  That is too funny because I have actually felt that in one time in my life or another...............that another woman really was "trying to destroy me."   And I am positive that I was not the only woman who has felt that at one time or another.  But you know what else is so funny.  I am sure that the female who I thought was trying to destroy me thought that I was trying to destroy her.  How do I know this?  This woman and I have talked and have tried to settle our differences.  And she told me that she though that I was trying to "erase" her.

"Erase her?"  Uhhhh I couldn't do that even if I wanted to do it.   We as woman have so few arenas to show off our goods.  Many times the emotional  validation that we need is like trying to catch sunlight inside of a bottle.  But we as women have so few outlets where we can just show what he have inside of us, that we scratch and claw for the few spots that we have open.  And the spots that ARE open are so far and few in between that when we see someone else making a play for our "prize" that it is all out war.  aka Beauty Pagents or Marriage.

As I was watching the post game shows after Game 3 of the Bulls/Pacers series ( Bulls up 3-0) I heard Joakim Noah talking to the press.  And the press was upset because the Pacers have been getting away with some dirty flagrant fouls against the Bulls.  And Joakim Noah sweetly looked into the camera and said, 'You think we should hit them back?.................really?.........that's what you think we should do?"  I loved the comment because it was sweet sarcastic love to the press about the character of his teammates.  What I think Joakim was saying is that..........."we're already winning this series 3 to 0.  No one in the history of the NBA play offs has come back from being down 3 games to nothing and you think that we should get out there and start taking cheap shots at them?  They are taking hard shots at us because they are mad that they are losing.  Why should we the team with the best record in the Eastern Conference, lash out at a team that is most assuredly going down?  But I think that Joakim could say that with so much poise and confidence because he knows that he is a winner and the guys on his team are winners...............Winners don't have to stoop to the losers dirty tricks. 

The thing about women is that most times we are not on any team.  We are out here as a bunch of solo acts.  When our opposers take dirty cheap hard flagrant fouls at us.  We usually have feel that we have to fight back just as hard and dirty.  And there in lies much of the negativity that goes on between women.  I know that there have been many times in my life that I seen another woman and saw something cute that she did with her style that I admire.  And the woman will catch me looking at her and in a defensive, confrontational voice she will say, "Can I help you?"  or "What are you looking at?"  I will always say what I was looking at.  And immediately it makes the woman feel stupid.  I will say......."Your braids are beautiful.............where do you get them done?"  or "that blouse is so cute on you I wish I could wear something like that."  Only then does the other woman's innate protection instinct come down and does she speak to me with respect. 

But that is such a sad state of affairs.  I believe that if we as woman could really find a national outlet where we could celebrate each other..................... that would change the scope of relationships every where.  When women feel honored and cherished there is nothing that we won't do.  But when we feel that we have to fight to be seen, we become jaded and negatively competitive. 

When men talk about other men in sports.  They are not talking about the man's physical beauty.  Physical beauty is not what defines a man. And it SHOULDN'T be what defines a woman.  But men have found a way to get their emotional needs met that is so satisfying to them.  And we as woman find so very few outlets to be satisfied emotionally that we can't even begin to understand men's fascination with sports.  We are in competition with sports. 

But ladies I hate to say it......we are not in competition with sports.  We are in competition with our own feelings of inferiority.  And I don't think that there is a woman created by GOD who has anything to feel inferior.  Ladies we have to do a better job of lifting each other up. 

I had a choir director who would sing about 2 or 3 solos each and every Sunday service at two separate church services.  She was a really good singer.  BUT...........she was not the only woman in the choir who could sing.  But she felt so inferior on the inside that she had to sing about 4 songs minimum, every Sunday morning to SHOW everyone how great she was.  And the thing is that no one was disputing her.  But what began to happen is that the church felt captive to her 4 to 5 song concert every week.  Even though she could sing really well..............people would complain.  The songs were sung well musically................but spiritually it was obvious that she was singing from a place of selfish greed rather than to touch the hearts of the people who needed God's healing through the music. The church members felt like...........there are 50 people in the choir, I wish we could hear some of the other soloists.  And then the other soloists ( mostly females, and me being one of them) began to feel devalued because all of us were given our voices and our love of singing by God, and we wanted to share.  BUT..............by this choir director putting a choke hold on the other singers and directors............it held an entire ministry back from blessing people.  But..........if we had gotten together as a TEAM of soloists and directors, I believe that our ministry could have saved soooooooooooo many souls.  And each and every Sunday souls would have some to Christ. 

This is such a big topic that I still don't think that I'm getting in there the way I want to.............But I will keep writing. 

All I want to say is Ladies.............there is enough strength and beauty in us all.  We don't have to be tiny little search and destroy missions.  The men have something that can heal them emotionally and something that can depend on and find a way to love and respect other men.  Women we need to better.  And we need to start in the church.  The church is the most cut throat gladiator ring I have even seen in my life.  Let's start there.

I'll tell you what I propose............but you tell me what you think ladies and gentlemen alike.